One question that occasionally comes up during retreats or conversations with fellow meditators is this: “How do you deal with difficult people?” It is a fair question. Most of us will encounter them sooner or later. Some are rude. Some are toxic. Some are vindictive. Some seem to carry enough negativity to power a small city.
Years ago, I assumed that meditation would somehow make these people disappear from my life. After all, if meditation reduces stress and improves clarity, surely the universe would reward me by removing difficult people from my path. Unfortunately, that has not happened.
From the Transcendental Meditation perspective, the purpose of meditation is not to change other people. It is to develop ourselves. Yet many of us spend a surprising amount of time trying to reform other human beings. We want rude people to become polite, selfish people to become generous, and difficult people to suddenly discover wisdom and self-awareness.
As far as I can tell, this has a success rate roughly comparable to predicting next month’s market movements with complete accuracy. One idea from Maharishi’s teachings that has always stayed with me is that people tend to behave according to their level of consciousness and accumulated stress. This does not excuse bad behaviour. It simply provides another way of looking at it. Happy and fulfilled people rarely wake up in the morning thinking about how to make life miserable for others.
That said, understanding someone does not mean you have to tolerate everything they do. Meditation should not turn us into a doormat. You can be kind and still set boundaries. You can forgive someone and still decide that you do not need to spend more time with them than necessary.
In business, my approach is fairly simple. Whenever possible, I choose not to do business with rude, toxic, or vindictive people. Life is too short and there are too many good people in the world to work with. I would rather spend my time building relationships with people who are professional, respectful, and pleasant to deal with.
One of the biggest benefits I have experienced from meditation is the ability to create a little space between an event and my reaction to it. Before meditation, I would sometimes replay unpleasant encounters repeatedly in my mind. Looking back, I was effectively providing free rental space in my head.
The difficult person may remain difficult. The rude person may remain rude. Meditation does not guarantee that the world around us will become calmer. What it can do is help ensure that we do not become part of the storm ourselves. In today’s world, that is already a worthwhile achievement.